Dark Night

I dont think the pain will ever subside...just when i start feeling slightly at peace about my decision, waves of fresh pain paralyze me and have me questioning my sanity. Theres this dull ache in my heart..how could i let go of someone so perfect, so loving and caring? How could i inflict such pain upon him..it kills me knowing how much i've hurt him. I can't keep talking to him...it just opens the dam of tears and heartache that i keep so tightly held back throughout the day..Nighttime is the worst...God please, if you have any compassion on your children, be near to him now...bring him your touch of comfort and peace...may he find you and may he rest in the comfort of your wings. And God..please allow peace to pervade my heart....i pray you take the edge off my pain.

Can the Maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart

There you have it God, i am absolutely nothing. Shattered beyond repair, broken and desolate. I have nothing left. I sacrificed my love on the alter, raised my knife and dealt the final blow. Why didn't you intervene God, save me the way you saved Abraham from having to fulfill what you asked of him? Why is there so much pain Father..shouldn't i be feeling a sense of peace that i did the right thing and not just an overwhelming sense of loss and regret, knowing i just severed ties with the love of my life? I didn't want to give him up God...i love him so much, and he's done nothing to deserve this. Please be with him now...send your angels of comfort and restoration to be with him now. I pray that through this he will come to know you and love you. I pray we will be able to be together again, forever. Please open up his heart towards you-let him understand God that this is the last thing i wanted to do.

You turned my sorrow into joy

Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping, " your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

End of Summer...

Its the end of summer, not that I had much of one to begin with. Still, September always comes with mixed emotions, sadness at the end of long (albeit imagined) days spent lounging on the beach, sipping cocktails on the patio and having fun in the sun. This summer was more like being stressed out 24/7 about money, studying for summer school, or working like a slave. There were bright moments however...Muskoka, bonfire with the sis's, laughing like loons at "the Hub" (u know what happens when u give us girls caffeine or sugar!) Amy's visit was also a highlight, VIP at 6 degrees, salsa-ing it up, middle-eastern food, Panorama lounge overlooking the city, smoking shisha and chillin at Yulied's apt...I also made some great friends like BAMBA- my Senegalian BFF..he's actually amazing-good times debating politics walking home from school, making food together, cruisin around with Robert..speaking francais..he's one of those people that i know i will be friends with forever, (although he's still in love with me, but the friendship ONLY has been very firmly established.) Alpha is another awesome guy i've met this summer...he's so caring and sweet, and it helps he's the kitchen manager, so i havent completely starved! Hangin out w Maya is pretty much consistently amazing. Salsa dancin every week..with Dancing Denny, in the pouring rain...funn times! Lest we not forget my arabian prince boyfriend Chadi El Moussa...going to the Island, cuddling..he's been there through thick and thin..he really is one of a kind...

Not even going to mention the not so good times...best left in the past. Lessons learned..budgettttttttttt, save.....etc etc!!!!! 

We'll see what this year brings...seems I am taking a semester off, saving money, then perhaps/ hopefully moving back to TO in January, then doing an internship in the summer, im thinking Cape Town, South Africa, or Germany. Then next year, exchange?? On vera.....

A la proxima! Besos